I’m so excited to have my very first Ask Scarlett question! Whenever I get a question, I’ll send a private e-mail answer to the person who asked, and then I’ll share a mini-version of the Q&A here at BaffleThatBully.com. That way, we can all learn from each other’s experiences, and no one will feel like he or she is the only one facing these problems.
Before I post anything, I will change your name and the names of anyone else you mention. By the way, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a bit of a girly-girl; so if you’re a girl who’s asking me a question, be forewarned that I might give you a “girly” fake name! If you like, when you write me, feel free to provide your own fake name.
So, here’s our very first Ask Scarlett Q&A. Florence writes:
Some kids at my school have been getting love notes in their desks, their backpacks, and even hand-delivered. This is crazy, because we are in 4th grade! When they are hand-delivered, it’s always a girl delivering the note, and she says something like, “Your secret admirer asked me to give this to you.” It didn’t really bother me that this was going on until 3 weeks ago when I started getting these love notes. I don’t want these notes! I know they are fake and are from girls pretending to be boys. It makes me feel like they are picking on me and making fun of me! What should I do?
Florence, believe me, I can relate to how you are feeling. When other kids used to pick on me, I felt a whole bunch of different feelings, but I mostly just wanted them to go away and leave me alone – just like you want these girls to stop sending you these notes.
Based on my experience with bullies and other mean kids, I think they are doing this to get a reaction from you. So, the solution is going to be for you to stop reacting to these notes. Then they will get bored with you and leave you alone.
Now, remember, whenever we communicate with anyone, we treat them kindness and respect because that’s who we are. Don’t let the bad behavior of others change you, and don’t sink to their level. Also remember how to stay calm and happy using the first 2 steps from Baffle That Bully! Go get the book, and remind yourself what they are right now!
Here are my suggestions:
If the note is hand-delivered: Look them straight in the eye, smile, and say calmly, “Thank you.” Then put the note away immediately without even looking at it; put it in your pocket, in your desk, in your backpack, etc. Then skip off as if you don’t have a care in the world.
I’m sure they’ll ask, “Aren’t you going to read it?” Your response should be simply, “No,” with a casual shrug. You will be communicating to them that could care less what that note says!
If you see a note in your desk or backpack: You have 2 choices: (1) You can ignore it and pretend like you don’t even see it, OR (2) You can pick it up, walk straight over to the trashcan, and casually toss it in. Whichever approach you choose, don’t open that note!!
Trust me, the girls who gave you this note will be stunned that you aren’t even interested enough to read it! Soon, they will leave you alone, because it’s no longer fun to pick on you.
Now, at the end of any day when you have pocketed or ignored one of these notes, you’ll still have it when you get home. My advice: throw that note away at home without even reading it. I know you’re probably dying to look at it – I know! But, don’t! Reading it will only upset you or make you mad. Remember, it’s fake: it doesn’t mean anything. That note was created for one purpose: to get a reaction from you. Don’t let somebody else control you like that. Throw it away as soon as you get home!
To anyone reading this post: Do YOU have a note that someone else wrote that’s upsetting you? THROW IT AWAY! Don’t read it again. Just crumple it up and toss it in the nearest trashcan. Go do it now!
Then don’t ever think about it again. You have better things to do with your thoughts and your time!